simply erik

too sad to care that I lost a follower

fanfiction at 1230 in the morning is always the worst thing in the world

why do i do that

crying forever now

good night

i think

See Post tags #christine feels everywhere #clean that shit up

Im on holiday and during holidays I blog. I said I would when I stopped blogging but here I am on holiday.

I’m good. 

Better than I’ve been in a long time. 

I am still in a relationship with the lovely Lollians. No, it is not an RP thing. I  am Erik, dating Lillian.

Tonight I am just reminded of how terrible I feel FOR her being in this relationship. I just have my days where I am NOT having it (life, not our relationship), and I’ll talk about Christine and I wish I was here and blah blah blah and I just wish I could stop myself. And the fact that I cant… 

I can’t say that I’ll ever stop being so madly in love with that woman who is long gone, but is that fair to my girlfriend? 

today I was answering a random survey on facebook, and it somehow got onto the subject of marriage. I think I was talking about sex and marriage. How it isn’t something I am comfortable discussing until marriage, but that didn’t matter because I wasn’t going to be married again. Lillian stumbled upon this a good 5 seconds later and questioned me. “DO you think you’ll get married again?” Well I have been married once before as you all… deny. I had been so close with her. She had SEEN all of me and my madness and she had feared it and she looked past it and she came back and she loved it. She loved me. And I loved her. And there was something about having seen the absolute best and worst of each other that made us complete. I knew her. I knew the things that upset her, the things that excited her. I knew every inch of her skin I knew her inside out (well minus those internal organs. not much to do about that). And she was my soul and every moment I had with her lasted on forever and yet it was not enough time at all. Every second was breath-taking. I was weak at the knees every time I saw this woman. She would sing for me and somehow it showed that she was mine, and it was obvious that I was hers. I could look at her I could think of her and every damn struggle from thought to face every wall and person vanished. And I lost that when she was taken away, even after she returned. She was taken away, and she was killed (this was an accident? another story.). And now here sat my girlfriend (WHICH DO NOT GET ME WRONG IN ALL OF THIS I LOVE HER.) asking me if I would get married again. I want to say of COURSE. I want it to be easy as that. But in the back of my mind I don’t feel like I am ready to betray my soul like that. I had fought to the death for my wife; how on any other occasion could I possibly be married again to any other person? Perhaps I am just afraid, but I don’t find that likely. Maybe if I just keep telling myself that this life has to be different, that I have to move on. I know I love Lillian. We are strong enough as is, and we are states away from each other. Imagine the possibilities if we were together. I also know that she is young. She isn’t out out of high school yet and I think it’s silly of her/us to even think of  such things none the less. Though since she is my current girlfriend, it is relevant enough. There is something that really throws me off that I don’t think I’ll get married again. Maybe I will, but the fact that I’ve said I won’t… I don’t deserves Lillian’s time!

See Post tags #personal #blah #erik is torn apart

bedquest:

I AM GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE MOUTH

WITH MY OWn mouth

softly

because i like you

(via pikachuichooseyou)

263,835 notes
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grinshaws:

[looks you in the eyes, pats your knee sympathetically] i don’t care

(via oh-the-glory)

56,142 notes
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